Esther Perel on sex

Haaretz: No such thing as safe sex.

“Perel says the modern relationship began taking shape in the late 19th century, through a series of changes: The shift from village to urban society left man lonely and alienated, and thus in need of contact to define himself; the development of the term "I"; changes in the term "intimacy," which came to express not only closeness but also meaning; and the romantic ideal that a relationship was an act of choice and love.

"In play. I do not want the same relationship in the kitchen or the office as in bed. We never expected to integrate stability and security with passion and sexuality. Now, we want stability and financial support and children and respect, and we want our husband also to be our best friend and our confidante, and our lover. Our desire to have everything with one individual is new. And, when we divorce, we don't think that perhaps, it is worth investigating the model. We think we merely chose the wrong person, and that there is someone else who could provide us with everything."
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Perel says there is no such thing as "safe sex." Safety and stability cancel passion. Wisdom involves knowing how to live in uncertainty with one's partner.
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She quickly adds, "This does not come from a Buddhist approach, in my case. It comes from the Holocaust. I do not believe there is such a thing, security." Perel's parents lost their families in the war, and later met and established their own family. Her choice of research subject is directly related to this. "I grew up in a community of Holocaust survivors. There were two groups: Those who didn't die, and those who returned to life," she says. "Those who didn't die thought only of defense and security. The second group of survivors reconnected to life, nurtured playfulness and creativity. To my great fortune, my parents belonged to the second group, and that is another reason for their survival."

estherperel.com: Artciles.